Leave this field empty. Interesting links Here are some interesting links for you! Enjoy your stay :. File Format ePUB. Stock Readers Benefits of registering Where are my ebooks? Ask it above. Adult Rated 4. You are commenting using your Google account. You are commenting using your Twitter account. Lists with This Book. Community Reviews. Showing Average rating 3. Rating details. More filters. Sort order. You know, I was beginning to wonder if I needed to change some of my two star books to one star.
I was thinking that I might not ever personally read a book worthy of one star, and I was messing up my scale by giving some of the more lame books I've read lately two stars instead of one.
Thank you E. James, for proving to me there was something worth waiting for. Something that truly exemplifies the meaning of terrible. Now hold up, all you would-be defenders.
I read this whole thing. I did not s You know, I was beginning to wonder if I needed to change some of my two star books to one star. I did not skip anything, I did not skim, I read every word.
I bought this book with the intention of giving it the benefit of the doubt. You see, I love erotica, and I'm not ashamed to say that I both read as you see on my books I've already read two others and write it myself.
So I was thinking to myself, oh, maybe there's a possibility that even though this is a twi-fiction rewrite, and even though everyone makes fun of it, it could still be a fun little guilty-pleasure read that I can laugh along with. She has a younger friend named Jacob Jose with a crush on her, and whose dad is friends with her dad, because they are fishing partners and police force army buddies, and who gave her his old truck VW beetle.
Edward Christian, who is adopted and has a sibling named Emmett Elliott and a sister named Alice Mia, also adopted, who live with their parents Carlisle Carrick really? We couldn't even change the first three letters? Their father mother is a doctor.
Rose Kate and Jasper Ethan are also siblings in this story, but have been changed to be friends of Anastasia, since in Twilight they already have a convenient different last name than the other Cullens. Also, he 'dazzles' her. I can't even function over the fact that upon preparing this book for publishing she couldn't change one fucking thing to make it even remotely different. That was too hard. The similarities in character are so untouched that I am sincerely appalled that she thought it 'different' enough to publish as is.
It's quite disgusting. Alright, continuing on, and once again, I'm sure you've heard this already: this book is terribly written. Most notably the lack of ability to describe anything other than the few choice phrases she knows how to type.
He ran his hands through his hair. I bit my lip. He told me not to bite my lip. Oh jeez. He grabbed me by the chin to make me look up at him. Holy crap. I peeked up at him. Lather rinse repeat. And over. For pages. Then there's the case of multiple personality disorder, where she hears the voices of two distinct other pieces of herself in her head. The subconscious, the one telling her she's not good enough, and the inner goddess, the one that's all into the sex. It's strange because I'm also currently reading a book right now, Deadline, where the main character hears a voice in his head because he is literally insane, and it's written almost the exact same way, he talks back to his voice, who presents herself in italics, just as Anastasia talks back to her two italics voices.
It's funny because she's supposed to be completely normal, and yet shares the same schizophrenic tendencies as a book about someone who is completely insane. This is sense. Amused at me. In black. What is this punctuation. Is this supposed to be poetry? Let me add some line breaks for poetic interest: Through the haze of light, I squint and see , Christian leaning over me, Smiling. That's almost better. He knows what he's doing, the bastard. Who did? And I have to listen to Britney going on and on.
The song ends and the iPod shuffles to Damien Rice being morunful. I stare out the window, my stomach churning. Okay and now, maybe even worse than the writing oh hell, nothing's worse than the writing, nevermind is the lack of plot. Now once again, you already know this. Do I even need to tell you nothing happens? Seeing as it's based off of a book where nothing happens, you can be guaranteed that as we go one step removed, even less happens.
Here is the part where I apologize to Twilight, where I said, in my page by page commentary below, that 50 Shades was more entertaining. I was at the very beginning. I didn't realize. I'm sorry. You know how The Office kind of got bad after Jim and Pam got together, because there was really nothing you were waiting for after that?
This happens by like You're like I can't even fathom that there are two other books written about this couple. I literally want to open the window and invite birds to eat my eyes out as punishment for buying and reading this book.
And now for a bit of tiddlybits, I'm going to share some information on storywriting that you guys might find interesting, and will help show exactly why 50 Shades has zero plot. I went to school for film, and we had story development classes.
One thing we were beaten over the head with about is something called the 7 Sentence Story. This will help for any writers that are writing their books to be cinematic or would like their novel to be considered for film purposes this is by no means a rule, but a really helpful guideline.
First, you need a problem, a conflict. A reason to tell a story. First, the main conflict: Conflict: The prince has been turned into a beast and has only a limited time left before he is trapped forever as one. And the seven sentence story: Exposition: Belle is a smart girl who rejects the advances of Gaston, as she doesn't want to be stuck in a mundane life. Inciting Incident: Belle's father gets lost and captured by the Beast in his castle. Plot Point 1: Belle trades her freedom for her father and is prisoner in the castle.
Midpoint: Belle starts to experience feelings for the Beast and is complacent. Plot Point 2: Belle's father is sick, and the Beast decides to let her go, even though he's giving up his chances of being with her. Climax: Gaston comes with an angry mob to destroy the Beast. Resolution: While Beast lays dying, his love for Belle turns him back into a human and he can live with her happily ever after. Simple, right? Of course, other things happen, but no doubt you can communicate the main story with just these sentences.
Okay, so let's try 50 Shades, which, hilariously, has had its film rights bought already. Conflict: Anastasia must decide whether to be with a guy who she thinks is super hot but also scares her This fascinating decision, I tell you what. Exposition: Anastasia is a literary student at WSU.
Inciting Incident: Anastasia meets Christian on page 7, and thinks he's hot and mysterious and also frustrating. It is clear they both have chemistry. Also they have sex. Sorta Midpoint, but kind of squished close to Plot Point 1: Anastasia must decide whether to pledge herself to him via contract if she wants to continue seeing him. Plot Point 2: Nah, she's still deciding and whining about how he's kind of scary but continues to have sex with him throughout this whole time.
There is no plot point 2. Climax: Well there isn't really one, it's just kind of an all over the place ending Resolution: She says he's too weird and ends it. What a complex, thrilling, and incredible plot full of depth. Did you even care? If you've gotten this far, nope. But guess what. I guess that's how she gets people to buy the next ones because hot diggedy I can't wait to see them get back together and whine some more.
And let's talk about the sex for a moment. Nothing forbidden actually happens that you'll be like ohhhh how scandalous I want to try that. For the most part it's pretty much all basic stuff or basic toy play, because basically he's taking it easier on her since she's inexperienced.
Except for the belt part at the end, I guess, which just doesn't sound fun. And you already heard about the tampon, so like, that's not even a surprise although imo it's not a big deal anyway.
Out of all the women having sex on their periods regularly, I can guarantee you there are quite a few men that are tasked with taking the tampon out and throwing it aside. I was actually more upset about the fact that she is sleeping completely naked in a hotel room bed on day two of her period.
As if that isn't going to be a mess in the morning. Okay lest I go on as long as the book, you get the point. Christian passes it to him. I love his French accent. Christian glances at me, takes off his shades, and slips them into the collar of his T-shirt, letting them hang. Oh, what is he thinking? He leans forward and kisses my forehead. You should know that by now. What was I thinking? I mentally castigate myself. The steward appears with our drinks and snacks and places them on the teak table.
Christian takes a seat beside me and passes me a gin and tonic. I deploy my patented distraction technique. Sir Somebody-or-Other. His great-grandfather started a grocery store.
I blink rapidly. All mine? I gaze out at the sea, tuning out his conversation with Ros—I think—his number two. I am rich. I have done nothing to earn this money. I shudder as my mind drifts back to our conversation about prenups. It was the Sunday after his birthday, and we were seated at the kitchen table enjoying a leisurely breakfast.
Elliot, Kate, Grace, and I were debating the merits of bacon versus sausage, while Carrick and Christian read the Sunday paper. Then her mouth purses as some obviously unpleasant thought crosses her mind. Christian frowns. Mia reads the column out loud. But who is the lucky, lucky lady? The Nooz is on the hunt. Silence descends, and the atmosphere in the Grey kitchen plunges to below zero.
Oh no! A prenup? The thought has never crossed my mind. I swallow, feeling all the blood drain from my face. Please ground, swallow me up now! Christian shifts uncomfortably in his chair as I glance apprehensively at him. They look alternately at me then him. Grey want. Christian looks up and glares at me. I blanch once more.
She glares at Carrick and Mia. Everyone erupts into animated conversation, and Mia and Kate leap up to clear the table. I stare down at my knotted fingers. I hope Mr. Christian reaches over and grasps both my hands gently in one of his. That stuff was all aimed at me. I wish my mom had kept her mouth shut. You left me once before. I know how that feels. He snorts and shakes his head with mock disgust. Losing Christian. Stop now. This subject is closed, Ana. No prenup. Not now —not ever.
Then he turns to Grace. I shudder as I recall the crazy shopping fest Christian demanded I go on with Caroline Acton—the personal shopper from Niemans—in preparation for this honeymoon.
My bikini alone cost five hundred and forty dollars. Oh, Fifty, maybe with time. I push the small dish of salted almonds and cashews toward him. He smirks. He licks his lips. Oh my, the look he gives me could be solely responsible for global warming. I pick up my gin and drain the glass, not taking my eyes off him. He smiles lewdly at me. In one fluid move, he stands and bends over me, resting his hands on the arms of my chair. How rude.
How can I resist? What has he got planned? My heart starts pounding in anticipation. He leads me across the deck and through the doors into the plush, beautifully appointed main salon, along a narrow corridor, through the dining room, and down the stairs to the main master cabin. The cabin has been cleaned since this morning and the bed made.
Christian releases my hand, pulls his T-shirt over his head, and tosses it onto a chair. He steps out of his flip-flops and removes his shorts and trunks in one graceful move. Will I ever tire of looking at him naked? He is utterly gorgeous and all mine. I am one lucky, lucky girl.
He grasps my chin, pulling slightly so that I stop biting my lip and runs his thumb along my lower lip. He produces two pairs of metal handcuffs and an airline eye mask from the bottom drawer.
I glance quickly and nervously at the bed. Where the hell is he going to attach those? He turns and gazes steadily at me, his eyes dark and luminous. They can bite into the skin if you pull too hard. My mouth goes dry. Vaguely, I hope I never have to wear a pair of these for real. Christian is watching me intently. He holds out his palm, revealing a small metallic key.
In fact, all sets. He strokes my cheek with his index finger, trailing it down to my mouth. He leans in as if to kiss me. He smiles. My heart starts pounding. How can he do this with just words? It will be intense. Very intense, because I am not going to let you move. This sounds so hot. My breathing is too loud. Fuck, I am panting already. My eyes flick down to his arousal. Lift up your arms. He holds out his hand, and I give him back the handcuffs.
He places both sets on the bedside table along with the blindfold and yanks the quilt off the bed, letting it fall to the floor. He gathers it into one hand and yanks gently so I step back against him. Against his chest. Against his erection. I gasp as he pulls my head to one side and kisses my neck. What are we going to do about that? His soft languid kisses are driving me wild. He grins against my neck. You are ever the optimist. Taking my hair, he carefully parts it into three strands, braids it slowly, and then fastens my hair tie to the end.
He tugs my braid gently and leans down to my ear. Moving suddenly, he grabs me by the waist, sits down on the bed, and yanks me across his knee so that I feel his erection pressed against my belly. He smacks my backside once, hard. Full Specifications.